Zombie

I wasn't surprised when my laptop tried to bite me. It seemed natural, after its violent demise, for it to come back for me. What I didn't expect was its persistence. I fired a shotgun at it twice -- the first round severed the power cord and the second one missed -- and that was when I realized it was completely independent of a power source. I tried setting it on fire, but that didn't really work either. I couldn't get anything to light; the keys only melted a little before it tried to bite me again. So I ran away. Usually zombies don't move very quickly, but my laptop is a speed demon. All the reviews said so; that's why I bought it. Whenever I looked back, it was right behind me. It's tenacious, I'll give it that much.
          I decided to go to Costco. Everyone says that's the best place to go in the event of a zombie apocalypse, but it turns out no one else realized there was an apocalypse on. A Costco employee named Jennifer called security and they dragged me out. I think it must have been the blow torch.
          So now I've locked myself in a Porta Potty, and I'm listening to my laptop ramming itself against the door while I try to figure out my next move. I read a lot of online articles about how to kill a zombie, but they didn't have much information about computers. They say the brain's the important thing, so you should cut off its head or something. I would guess that taking out the battery has the same effect, but I know the battery's dead. I'd been needing to buy a replacement. Maybe the battery came back to life, too.
          Hopefully I'll figure something out soon.