The Adventures of Leon the Pirate

Once upon a time, there was a pirate named Leon. Leon had always known he wanted to be a pirate. His mother said he was born with a sword in his hand and an eye patch on his face (though he was born with both eyeballs intact). It was a lovely anecdote that she liked to tell over and over at garden parties. Leon wasn't sure he really believed it, and he wasn't at all sure that he cared.
          One day, while sailing the high seas, Leon decided to take a stroll about the deck. He laid his book down beside his deck chair and set off on a light jog. When he reached the stern, he turned around and jogged to the bow. Upon reaching the bow, he decided he was tired of strolling and sat down on the deck. He could see all the ocean before him, the waves barely moving in the faint breeze.
          'I say,' he said to no one, 'I'm not going at all quickly, am I?'
          'No,' no one replied, 'no, you are not.'
          Leon knew there was something he could do to make the ship go faster, but he couldn't quite remember what it was. He paced to and fro on the deck, until the jib sails caught his eye. The ship (which was called The Sandwich) really did have an impressive array of sails. The mizzen sails were his favorite, because 'mizzen' is a fun word to say.
          After some thought, Leon realized that since he was the captain (or at least, he was the only one on The Sandwich and must therefore be her captain) he needed a crew to make the ship go faster. A captain is not much of a captain without a crew. Leon suddenly felt very lonely indeed. He thought of what his mother used to say -- 'He really was a precious child. He was born with a sword in his hand and an eye patch upon his brow (though of course he still had his eye underneath). And so I suppose his profession comes as no surprise! Such a precious wee'un.' -- and this made him feel much better.
          Straight away he knew what he must do. Returning to his deck chair, he picked up his book (which was really a Kindle Fire) and went to Monster.com. There he posted a wanted ad for 2 - 15 crew members that could make The Sandwich go faster. After he finished the ad, he returned his book to the deck and laid back in his deck chair with a sigh of content. His mother would be proud, Leon thought. He had handled this very wisely. All he had to do now was wait.